


Once upon a time, in another continuity and another X manor

by Eilisande



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Fairy Tale Style, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 21:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18819004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eilisande/pseuds/Eilisande
Summary: The students of the Xavier Institute are on a school trip (kidnapping with premeditation and aggravated violence in the pedagogical vocabulary of the X-men). Deadpool takes advantage of the opportunity to track them and tell them the beautiful and magical love story of Yukio and Negasonic. It remains to be seen if Negasonic will silence him before he finishes his syrupy story ...





	Once upon a time, in another continuity and another X manor

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of one of my texts. Enjoy and don't hesitate to leave a review.

"Once upon a time, in another continuity, a young and beautiful princess lived in a large and beautiful enchanted mansion. It was the most beautiful manor house in the world, even though a strange architect had arranged everything in the shape of an X, the mansion, the doors, the windows, the clocks, the tables and even the toilets. The princess..."

"Deadpool, can you explain to me what you are doing here?" asked Colossus wearily.

'Here' was the summit of Mount Rushmore where the Xavier Institute students were enjoying a clear night watching the stars. It was a kind of school trip, but an unannounced one. In fact, the students present had been kidnapped by the Brotherhood of Bad Mutants and released a few hours earlier. They had negotiated with Colossus the right to stay up all the night on the heads of the American presidents on the promise not to tell their parents that they had been kidnapped for the fourth time in the quarter. Even the main team, on a mission of extraction in Tibet, had not been warned and Colossus did not understand how the mercenary could be aware. He smiled through his mask.

"I follow the twitter accounts of your kids and I saw the hashtag #not again and # x-problems on three different accounts. I geolocated you and here I am. As if I could miss a date as important as today. It is historic."

"What do you mean?"

"Today is the first anniversary of Negasonic and Yukio," he explained, sending a flock of multicoloured confetti in the air. "Hi Yukio!"

"Hi Wade!"

"And such a thing must be celebrated in music!"

He searched through his bag, pulled out a small boom box and the music of Rick Ashley's Together Forever was heard at full volume. It could not muffle Negasonic's moan of horror and anger, seated by Yukio's iron hand.

"So, as I was saying before I was interrupted, the princess of this kingdom was a beautiful girl with hair as short as her tongue was sharp. She was famous for her war exploits. She had defeated the terrible Dragon Fran'cis and allowed the worthy knight Wade Wilson, who was perhaps the most well-endowed of all the knights of the kingdom, to recover his great love, the flamboyant Vanessa, queen whores and fuck her with passion."

Colossus made a noise of protest to remind him that some of the listeners were too innocent for this kind of vocabulary. Said teenagers were hanging on Deadpool's lips, eager to find out more. The latter pretended not to understand.

"I forgot, the princess had also trained a giant bear from distant Russia and taught it to communicate with grunts," he continued, ignoring Colossus's disappointed look. "In short, no one doubted the value of the princess and all sang her exploits. Her father, King Charles the Bald Head, first of his name, preferred her among all his one hundred and twenty-four children and thought of making her the sole heiress of thekingdom. But there was a trial she had not yet experienced."

"If you say love," Negasonic threatened, "I'll hit you so hard that your balls will end up in your empty skull."

"Be careful, the other X-babies do not have the same rating as you. Monitor your vocabulary. The princess had never known great love, the one which sends chips in the lower abdomen."  
Colossus had just enough time to seize Negasonic to prevent her from gutting Deadpool. Yukio took the opportunity to take out her phone and immortalize the scene.

"One day," continued Deadpool, strategically sheltering behind Yukio, "King Charles the Capillary Disfavored summoned the princess." "My daughter," he declared, "I send you on a diplomatic mission to Queen Emma, in the neighbouring country. She has fifty-seven sons and thirty-nine girls. Hopefully, you will find one or one of her children attractive enough to start a more lasting relationship between our kingdoms."

"It was a school exchange," Negasonic corrected. "Xavier selected me with ten other students and it is Colossus who chaperoned us."

"She left, on her white horse, accompanied by her trained bear and ten servants so stupid that their mental quotient was barely equal to that of the bear. Moreover, they lost them all even before having crossed the great portal of the manor X. The princess and her bear decided they would go faster without them and galloped through the plains of the kingdom. Everywhere, the peasants admired them. Everyone loved the princess."

In spite of herself, Negasonic let a slight smile blossom on her face. Yukio hastened to immortalize it on his phone.

"There must be dark wood," she told Wade. "There is always a dark wood in the tales."

"Indeed, the plain gave way to trees and soon the princess and the bear advabced between dark trees that tried to imprison them in their trunks. The bear's knees were shaking with terror and anyone else than the princess would have panicked. Instead, she planted her sword in the ground and told the forest that she wasn't there to hurt the trees but that she was on a mission for her father the king. "Let us pass in peace," she asked, "and no harm will be done to you. If I can help you in any way, I will do it with pleasure. But keep attacking us and I swear I'll slay this wood until there is not even a twig left. " The trees quivered and moved apart, giving way to an old woman as twisted as the trees. "You're very brave for your size," she said, and more respectful than I would have thought of a little punk. "

"The GPS lost us and we stopped in the woods to ask the way out to an old woman who spent an hour talking to Colossus about the youth that's falling apart. Who told you those stories?"

Deadpool pretended to sew his lips.

"I have my sources. "Go on your way," continued the witch, "and no harm will befall you. However, take care! The White Queen is evil and her tricks are cruel. If you need help, call, and the forest will answer you as a reward for your pure heart." The princess thanked the wood and the witch and galloped on the road that had just appeared. Soon, they reached Queen Emma's diamond palace. The Queen was dressed in very revealing clothes, ready to seduce the sons of King Charles the Lustrous Skull to turn them against their father. She pouted as she saw a muscular girl and a bear standing in front of her. Neither of them was interested. The princess preferred girls her age and a spell forced the bear to love the knight Wade of the house Wilson."

Yukio and Negasonic giggled as the other students exchanged amazed glances. Colossus's eyes widened.

"What?"  
"It's as plain as Emma Frost's cleavage is big. But let's go back to our tale. The White Queen did not let herself be defeated. She pretended to graciously welcome the princess and introduced her sons. Most of them looked like fat brutes, and the princess winced at the thought of being betrothed to one of them. The girls were no better, all haughty and disdainful. Ninety-five times, the Princess saluted one of Queen Emma's children, and ninety-five times she restrained herself from making a face. Then, behind these ninety-five little monsters, the princess distinguished the youngest of the royal children, and her heart sprang out of her bosom."

Deadpool pressed his little boom box and Lady in Red began to play. Negasonic pretended to vomit while Yukio smiled tenderly. Everyone affected to ignore Colossus retreating into the shadows to wipe a tear from his metal cheek.

"Everything distinguished the adorable young girl, her grace, her sweetness, her kindness, and the terrible sadness of her eyes when she looked at the princess before looking away with a sigh. She looked like the mix of a cocker spaniel and a rainbow. Their eyes met and there was an electric shock in the air. The sweet and tender princess had seen the fire flowing in the eyes of the warrior princess and had immediately fallen in love. The warrior princess was too proud to admit that it was the same for her and decided that there was just something intriguing in this girl's eyes."

Yukio and Negasonic's comrades sneered or sighed as they heard this description. As discreetly as possible and blushing slightly, Negasonic slid her hand into her girlfriend's.

"The warrior princess would have liked to spend more time with this intriguing young lady, but the other children of Queen Emma decided to occupy her. The same evening, while the warrior princess was resting in her room, she heard that pebbles were being thrown on her window. Suspicious, she grabbed her sword and looked down. The adorable princess stood at the foot of her window. Curious, she threw a rope to her enemy's daughter, and the girl climbed to her. Once upstairs, she offered the princess a shy but sincere smile before her eyes became sad again. "Forgive me for disturbing you at this late hour oh princess, but I could not sleep, I had to warn you. A plot was hatched against you and this room is a trap made to capture you." "If it's true, it's your mother who decided to do that. Why do you warn me?". She heard the suspicion in the voice of the warrior princess and proudly straightened her head. "Being her daughter doesn't mean I approve her actions. And I find you cute, so I do not want you to get hurt. Now, do whatever you want". The warrior princess blushed, but the damage was done. Vexed, the sweet girl had already disappeared."

"The warrior princess remained alone. She almost wished she had not left her pet bear to sleep in the barn. She should not have leave behind her brave knight Wilson who was so smart, but the damage was done. She went to bed but she didn’t take off her armour and keep her sword in her hand, determined to wait for the enemy. In spite of herself, she finally fell asleep, not because she was tired, but because of a spell woven in the walls and on the bed. She dreamed of the pretty lips of the other princess."

"Colossus was stunned and locked up as soon as we arrived at the Frost Institute and the students were drugged. I slept like a mass and I certainly did not dream of that."

"This time anyway," Yukio corrected happily.

Negasonic didn't dare to protest.

"When the princess woke up," said Wade, "she was chained to the wall of a dungeon, in a light nightgown."

"Certainly not. Keep your fantasies to yourself."

"This is not a question of fantasy, but of tradition. Even a warrior, a princess must appear in a nightgown too thin at least once in a fairytale. All specialists know it. So, the princess was a prisoner and struggled in vain. Queen Emma entered the room with a whip in her hand. "Here you are at my mercy, princess, and it's not your big teddy bear that can save you. He dreams of honey and vodka and will only wake up if I give him the order. And now, I'm going to use my magic to force you too to obey me. If you are as strong as it is said, you are the weapon that will help me to annihilate Charles. ". The princess spat in her face. "Charles the Balding is my father, and I will not be used against him," she declared proudly, which made the Queen burst out laughing. "I am more powerful than he has ever been, you will see. And the girl who tried to betray me will pay for this affront."

"Queen Emma moved and the warrior princess saw the prostrate form of the girl behind her. The Queen leaned over and grabbed her by the hair, forcing her to sit up and make fun of her, telling her that for her attempted betrayal she would spend the rest of her life locked up. Two of the White Queen's sons came forward to take their sister, but she escaped them and ran to the warrior princess. The girl brushed her own lips with her fingers and laid a kiss on the wrist of her beloved before she was dragged away.

"It was like an electric shock for the warrior princess. When the White Queen came back to her and began to magically manipulate her thoughts, the princess resisted. It seemed to her that this light kiss was spreading like an electric current through her veins, giving her a strength she did not know she possessed. Finally, after hours of torture, as she felt the White Queen about to succeed, she gathered all her will and everything exploded around her. The power of the sweet girl's love had allowed her to find that power in her, and she used it to obliterate everything around her, her chains, the stone dungeon, and the diamond palace all around her. Leaving the White Queen buried under the rubble, the princess picked up her armour, her sword, ran to the stables and woke her bear with a slap."  
The two protagonists of the story protested at the same time, the first swore he had woken up by himself and was fighting at that time three henchman of Emma Frost, the other she that she hadn’t destroyed everything because it was against the X-men code and there were students in the building. Deadpool ignored them.

"The princess rode her bear as soon as he was awake. By grunts, he told her that they had to go back to Manor X as soon as possible to warn Charles the Head White like an Egg of the White Queen's perfidy. The princess refused. She could not leave without helping the person who saved her, but she had no idea where she had been taken. Fortunately, she remembered that help had been promised to her. The diamond castle was in the centre of a large clearing. "Trees of the Black Wood," she yelled, "you promised me your help! Take me to my beloved! "

"Immediately, the trees of the forest created a path in which the bear and the princess rushed. They quickly reached a tower without doors or windows and the princess felt her heart tightening, understanding the fate the White Queen had condemned her daughter. With her power, she blew the bottom of the tower. It collapsed entirely but the princess was ready. When she saw the girl's pretty hair, she jumped up and grabbed her in her arms then help her to rest on the grass. "I hold you, my beloved," she declared, "and I will not let you go. "

Negasonic opened her mouth to protest and explain that a student of Emma Frost had created a mini earthquake and that she had done what was necessary to save the trapped students and that Yukio was not the only one she saved that day. Yukio stopped her by kissing her full on the lips while blindly sending her phone to Deadpool. He seized it and immortalized the languid kiss, then Colossus's face who was crying and blowing his nose.

"And after?, claimed Yukio with a big smile. "They lived happily ever after?"

"Both of them went on the bear and the princesses went back to the manor X. King Charles the Bare Head, disappointed by Emma's betrayal while he hoped for a peace treaty, but delighted for his daughter, immediately declared that the princess was now his sole heiress and organized the marriage of the century. The kiss shared by the two princesses was the greatest and most beautiful kiss ever shared on earth. The magic of the kiss was such that it spread all around and the bear of the warrior princess was surrounded by light and changed into a man, perfectly naked and well endowed. He wrapped himself in the red carpet to protect his big dignity and revealed that he had been changed into a bear by the White Queen many years earlier for refusing to marry her. He threw himself at the foot of the knight Wilson who was in the assembly and revealed to him how much he was relieved to be finally a man because he dreamed to do to him things which you can't say in the fairytale. Everyone applauds, even Charles the Little Wheels. Finally, the ceremony was over, the princesses went back to their room and did things that only concern them because the storyteller cares about his gonads. And they lived happily until the end of their days, travelling to restore order in the world with their fists and magic and ruling the kingdom with strength and kindness."

Yukio rose and jumped on Deadpool to hug him with all her strength. Hands in her pockets, Negasonic joined them and gave an almost indolent punch in the mercenary's shoulder.

"You could have done worse," she admitted before going away.

It was a compliment in her mouth. Deadpool understood it well and placed a hand on his heart with emphasis. Yukio laughed softly, laid a last kiss on his mask and ran to join her girlfriend who immediately slid her hand into her. Their heads touched each other and so they climbed into the Blackbird that would bring them back to Manor X. Lost in their world, they remained indifferent to the way Colossus stayed behind, moving from one foot to the other, not knowing what to do near to a mocking Deadpool.

 


End file.
